Monday, March 26, 2012

Inside the Forest

I can see what brain did there. Scavenging and mashing up elements to combine to what it needs.

It took the cherry-picker a few streets over cutting down a tree a few days ago. The 81st birthday of Shatner calling up Star Trek. My cousin saying the ground had no frost and his tractor sinking and needing to be towed out. In Val-de-Monts the ministry cutting down a 300 eyar old tree while protesters weren't around. A friend talking about the hour of his birth, my inner reflections on how my dad nearly wiped out driving too fast in the freezing rain, nearly died on the way to the hospital to hold me for the first time. He nearly went into the pond, car and all again. He almost died there once after he ricocheted off the side of a freight train. He eventually died of congestive lung.

By sleep I was in a forest. A lumbering scene. Near a swamp. A lot of strangers milled around in their work. A piece of caterpillar yellow machinery slipped a greasy bank. It made a tremendous sound. Some went to investigate, some didn't. Someone noticed a coat down there, called out that there's a man stuck in the gear down there. People tried to yank the machine back from the muck. Someone dove in try to get him out. Someone sidled up to me with a quiet word that it looked bad and the man was my father. I looked down. I could see him in the water. They brought him up finally but he'd been down too long. I looked at his face, waxy and calm, tried pressing water from his lungs. I tried to force water from his chest. Someone quiet walked over to the foreman near my side and asked if they should call 911. I thought, that occurs now? No one has before now? He walked over to the concession where there was a phone. 'There's nothing you could do.' the foreman said to me, quietly. Dad's eyes flickered open but he looked angry at not being left alone. Did I imagine they even opened. I kept pressed rhythms to his chest. 'There's nothing anyone could have done' the foreman said.

I woke with a kind of peace of benediction. My self is trying to forgive me.

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